February 25, 2026
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Brit tourist who describes his looks as a ‘solid 7’ slammed over complaint about Australia

An English journalist has confronted criticism after complaining about his time in Australiataking a swipe at the truth that folks appeared to seek out him much less enticing Down Below.

Jack Kessler’s article for the Night Commonplace was known as “I assumed I liked Australia – till I spent greater than two weeks there.”

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In it, he complains that in London, his seems to be imply he is a “strong seven,” however in Australia, everybody has such a “beach-ready physique” that he solely rated a 5.

Jack Kessler mentioned he was demoted from a ‘7’ to a ‘5’ in Australia as a result of he did not have a ‘beach-ready physique.’ Credit score: Twitter/Jack Kessler

“Everyone seems to be seashore body-ready, in order a strong seven in London I used to be demoted to a 5, 5 and a half on a very good hair day (which by no means occurred, because of my solar hat),” he wrote.

“I took my shirt off on the pool and yearned to guarantee the locals that, really, I am in cheap form for London.”

His criticism did not cease there.

He went on to complain that you could’t discover espresso after 3.30pm, suggests each Australian man’s wardrobe go-to is thongs and shorts, and notes that the “C phrase” is principally a “time period of endearment.”

Kessler mentioned Australia was “a time machine, if not again to the womb, then maybe the mid-Noughties, solely with Uber.”

Ouch!

After every week of residing in Sydney’s “bourgeois jap shores, with its harbor views and sea breeze,” he started to “pity these residing within the stifling western suburbs.”

Till he could not discover 24-7 espresso, it appears, or till his thongs began to present him nasty blisters.

“And after some time, it began to really feel bizarre residing in a rustic that didn’t have an unbiased nuclear deterrent,” he added.

Say what?

He then mentioned that after two weeks, Sydney started to “really feel small” and he puzzled if perhaps he ought to go to New Zealand.

Jack Kessler mentioned Sydney began to really feel a bit small after some time. Credit score: Michael Dunning/Getty Photographs

“My idea is the nation is simply too good to dwell in,” he then slightly paradoxically said – straight after noting the issues he did not like about residing right here.

“Aussies are affected by the lesser-spotted high-income entice.

“I used to be prepared to come back house.”

After the article was printed, Aussies – and a few non-Aussies – got here out in fierce protection of the Land Down Below, scoffing at Kessler’s criticisms and stating that London wasn’t precisely topping any checklist of the world’s most livable cities.

“Pasty Englishman stays in Sydney’s costliest beachside suburbs and develops an insecurity advanced, presumably introduced on by a scarcity of espresso after 3pm, and concern of a one-sided nuclear warfare,” one individual joked.

A British customer to Australia mentioned he discovered it exhausting to get a espresso after 3.30pm. Picture file. Credit score: The Picture Commune/Getty Photographs

“I typically decide my vacation locations on their unbiased nuclear deterrent choices, to be sincere,” quipped one other.

One Londoner mentioned that they had moved to Australia in 2007 and it was “the most effective factor ever.”

“The good clear recent air and ocean views and sandy seashores weren’t a match for the gloominess or the thick air of London underground,” one other famous.

However it appears the road most individuals took challenge with was Kessler’s daring declare that he was undoubtedly “a 7” again house within the UK.

A remark left on the Night Commonplace’s Twitter. Credit score: Twitter/Jack Kessler

Clearly stung by the criticism of Australia, one individual wrote: “I believe the funniest of the numerous hilariously ridiculous statements this man makes on this article is that he thinks he is a 7 in London (or, certainly, wherever!)”

That one did not slip by means of the web, with Kessler re-tweeting it.

“Commenters on the Night Commonplace Fb web page are adamant. I am not a ‘seven’ in any time zone,” he wrote.

“Brutal enterprise, this.”

Canadian lady divides Aussie males into ‘varieties’.

Canadian lady divides Aussie males into ‘varieties’.

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