Three extra unidentified objects have been shot down by US fighter jets, sparking interplanetary warfare.
A spokesthing from Pluto expressed outrage and milk.
“The Purple’s Republic of Pluto condemns America’s aggressive actions within the strongest doable language – working-class Martian rhyming slang,” it stated.
Scorching air balloons are being shot down throughout the US by well-armed residents.
In the meantime, a UFO fanatic struggled to elucidate how balloons journey between planets via a zero gravity vacuum.
CONVERSION IMMERSION DIVERSION
NSW Premier Dominic Perrottet has introduced he will not “rule out” the banning of “conversion remedy” and different double-negatives.
Conversion remedy goals to vary homosexual individuals into depressing, unfulfilled heterosexuals.
It is primarily based upon the titillating notion that hetero intercourse is ‘regular’, and the whole lot else is only a life-affirming, desire-quenching, completely pure delight.
“Heterosexual antics, performed appropriately, are a baffling aberration,” stated a unadorned couple nonetheless in search of their studded-leather ping-pong paddles.
‘Heterofication’ remedy includes lengthy, soulful walks with skilled heterosexuals, and common sausage sizzles.
An ex-gay convert is glad along with his remedy. He says he’ll now solely have intercourse with heterosexual males.
Sure non secular teams intend to disregard the ban. “What individuals do within the privateness of their very own houses is our personal enterprise.”
NUCLEAR SUBMARINES WERE SCOTT MORRISON’S IDEA SO THEY MUST BE GOOD
The top of Australia’s nuclear-powered submarine taskforce insists the subs may have “sovereign functionality”.
Sovereign Residents rejoiced, however apprehensive the boats might be pushed by lizard individuals.
Each sub’s crew will embrace an American “technician” who is aware of the place the ignition key’s hidden.
The Protection Division insists Australian commanders may have whole management over resolution making “similar to anybody driving another person’s Lamborghini”.
One submariner stated: “Driving a nuclear sub is just not rocket science. It is simply ‘Up periscope, down periscope, hearth one! hearth two! hearth three!’ Have not you seen The Hunt for Pink October?”
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- DUTTON SORRY HE DIDN’T GET SIGNIFICANCE OF APOLOGY, RETURNS TO WRECKING VOICE REFERENDUM
