Kim Lee first realized he was “completely different” on the age of three when he observed his physique wasn’t the identical as that of his child brother.
Born biologically feminine, the younger Lee says he was “distraught” as he skilled a “robust sense of incongruence”.
WATCH THE VIDEO ABOVE: Lee and Lies’ journey to changing into dad and mom.
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He turned to his mom“decided” for solutions.
“I bear in mind going as much as my mum – and tried to inform her ‘This isn’t the physique I used to be born with’,” Lee, who grew up in Malaysia, tells 7Life.
“However in my very own easy language, being three on the time, I used to be (asking) her ‘When am I going to catch as much as my brother?'”
The query, which was so “pivotal” to his identification, was left unanswered.
“(My mum) did not understand how to reply to me, so she really prevented my query altogether,” Lee recollects.
“(The response) was giving me the message that there was one thing unsuitable, or there wasn’t one thing fairly proper with me.”
Because the years handed, it grew to become clear to Lee that there have been “sure circumstances” for men and women – from gendered uniforms at college, to the video games women and boys would play.
“I at all times felt so disconnected as a result of there was such a confusion,” Lee explains.
“I felt a technique however there was probably not an area for me to truly be totally myself or embrace myself.”
By the age of six, Lee “had a way” that his “sexuality was completely different as nicely” – he was drawn to ladies.
“It was a lot for me, that I simply breezed previous a few years as a result of I simply needed to outlive,” he says.
“It meant I needed to lower away and filter elements of myself, and likewise apply a whole lot of issues onto myself that will make me acceptable to society round me.”
Lee stored his hair lengthy and wore clothes regardless of “how upset” it could make him.
He was advised to vary the way in which he walked as a result of it wasn’t thought-about “ladylike”.
Acceptance
Rising up, Lee had “no concept” he was transgender as a result of there was a scarcity of visibility of trans males.
He realized of “the existence of same-sex attracted” folks and transwomen however didn’t really feel protected to precise his true self due to generalized “discrimination and vilification”.
It wasn’t till his mid-20s that he got here throughout an episode of the Oprah Winfrey Present that featured Thomas Beatie – a trans man who was pregnant on the time.
“I bear in mind watching the episode and feeling so stunned and confused,” Lee says.
“However on the identical time there was one thing deep down within me that was screaming with pleasure.
“A chunk of the puzzle that was at all times lacking simply instantly (fell) into place.”
Lee discovered a “sense of self” and was euphoric – spending an entire week researching the whole lot he might “on being trans”.
However he buried his newfound pleasure, frightened of how his household and buddies would react.
In 2007, Lee moved to Melbourne, the place his mom was born.
He started to really feel extra free to precise himself, not needing to put on his hair lengthy.
However there was somebody he met again residence with whom he stayed in contact – July Lies (pronounced Julie Lees)
Life with July
Lee’s “anchor, rock and “pleasure” is his now-wife, Lies.
They met at an all women’ highschool in Malaysia in 1999 and have become immediate buddies.
Over time their worlds separated, with Lee’s transferring to Australia, and Lies residing in Singapore.
However they continued to remain in contact.
In 2012, the pair “thought-about the potential of changing into extra than simply buddies”.
“I felt prefer it was a connection that was actually real and easy,” Lee explains.
“Our on a regular basis Whatsapp conversations introduced us nearer, and as effortlessly because it was (to change into) buddies, we fell in love with each other.”
However to take their relationship additional, they needed to place all their playing cards on the desk.
Lies opened up about desirous to have kids.
And for Lee, it was necessary to come back out about his gender identification.
He advised Lies he recognized as a person and needed to “pursue steps to affirm” his gender sooner or later.
Lies was taken unexpectedly.
“(She) expressed that she wanted time to consider it,” Lee says.
“The very subsequent day she got here again and advised me she cherished me as an individual and that my gender wouldn’t change who I used to be on the within.”
In 2016, Lee slowly started to come back out to his household, buddies and colleagues.
And a yr later, he began hormone alternative remedy.
In 2019, Lee and Lies had been married.
“It was as good as it could possibly get,” Lee mentioned of the ceremony.
“July walked down the aisle together with her father holding her hand and it was to the tune That is Me from The Biggest Showman.
“It was simply displaying that being a queer couple getting married, we needed to outline a whole lot of a whole lot of issues all through our lives, and this was one thing that was, like, that is us.”
Beginning a household
Three months later, Lee and Lies began making an attempt for a child.
Lies had at all times needed to hold a baby, however after a number of miscarriages she was thought-about excessive threat.
Regardless of Lee not being “comfy with giving beginning”, he stepped in.
“It actually took a toll on (July) and I did not need her to undergo that anymore,” he says.
“That is form of the place my mindset shifted.”
“In my head, I used to be telling myself that, technically we’ve got two ovens.”
So in April 2020, Lee stopped hormones to attempt to conceive through IVF.
Discrimination
All through his journey to changing into a father, Lee was confronted with plenty of discriminatory moments.
One is etched in his thoughts – as he sat in a ready room making ready to bear an embryo switch, with Lies by his facet.
On the time, strict COVID guidelines disallowed companions and assist folks to attend alongside sufferers.
“July was glad to be with me as a result of I simply did not need to be alone within the area that was simply recognized for feminine-looking pregnant folks,” Lee says.
However a workers member noticed the pair and went to confront them.
“She advised me to get out of the room,” Lee recounts.
“Once I mentioned I used to be the affected person, they really requested me in entrance of everyone, ‘What process are you having?’
“It was a breach of affected person confidentiality.”
Lee “had the energy to manage the dialog” with the workers member, asking to enter one other room to speak “privately”.
“I educated this individual that I used to be transgender,” Lee says, later submitting suggestions with the middle.
Welcome Morgan
In July 2021, Lee came upon he was pregnant.
“It was a really surreal second for me,” Lee recollects.
As a lot because the parents-to-be had been excited to welcome their bundle of pleasure 9 months later, Lee started to fret.
“As I handed the primary trimester, and when my stomach began to develop, I received fairly uncomfortable being outdoors,” he says.
“I felt self acutely aware, and I felt uncomfortable with myself and my physique.”
However he discovered consolation along with his obstetrician who made each effort to make him relaxed “navigating in areas recognized fully for ladies or pregnant ladies”.
And in March 2022, child Morgan was born.
“She jogs my memory a whole lot of myself, (she’s) decided and would not surrender,” Lee says.
“She’s rising up so quick and she or he seems to be at me and July with a lot love.
“Each July and Morgan are my world, and it is so lovely to have them in my life.”
Recommendation
Lee hopes his story can assist different transgender and non-binary people who find themselves anxious concerning the journey to parenthood.
“We, as transgender-diverse folks, already undergo numerous challenges as a result of we do not match the norm already,” he says.
“Something that’s by normal custom, binary, we’re at all times going to search out a whole lot of pushback and a whole lot of miscommunication.
“However holding that little one in your arms is value each battle that you have needed to expertise.”
Second little one
With Lee being off hormones for the previous few years, he has change into self-conscious of the way in which he seems to be.
“Now I look fairly female,” he explains.
“Regardless that I’ve facial hair and the whole lot, I really feel folks have a look at me.
“I can see how persons are pondering typically.
“It is fairly exhausting as a result of we had been additionally making an attempt for a second child.”
Lee would not understand how lengthy it’ll take to fall pregnant.
However he, July and Morgan are excited concerning the prospect of including one other member to their household.
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